When He Leaves Me
by Nomannic
Summary: It was never a matter of if he'd leave her, it was just a matter of when. Kakashi/OC. Tragic, horrifying, and definitely mature. But there's some fluff, too. So sit tight and enjoy the ride.
1. Prologue

**A/N: I know, I know. You all want to crucify me. Another chapter story? Even though I have so many started... and unfinished? Blame my indecisive, self-disciplineless self. My apologies. Heck, blame Rowanashke. She inspired this lovely, tragic story.**

**I figured it would be a good way to remind you all I don't write sappy romances. I don't write PWP. I don't write romance. I don't write drama. I write tragedy. I write stories that make you cry so hard you pass out from dehydration. I write stories that fill you with pity and shame. I write stories that make you hurt, and bleed, and cry, and sob, and scream.**

**Because I write tragedy.**

**So have your kleenex ready.**

**When He Leaves Me**

**Prologue**

"_Because you'd be a hostage. Because anyone who wanted to hurt me would try for you first. Because you'd lie awake every night I was on a mission, wondering if I was coming home. Because when I was hurting, aching from the aftermath of a vicious mission, I'd hurt you without even meaning to, just trying to get away. Because love is a weakness, a chink in my armor I can't have. Because when I finally am too slow, you'll be standing by the memorial, staring at my name carved in the marble."_

_-Kakashi Hatake, _Never Alone by Rowanashke

She lay on her side in the bed, eyes weary, dark circles under them. Kakashi couldn't meet them – he had caused the lines on her face, the circles under her eyes, the nightmares that made her wake screaming every night.

He kept his head down, crouched on the window sill. He'd intended to sneak out unnoticed, but inwardly, he knew she would wake up. He knew it would come to this.

She propped herself up on her elbows, chewing on her lower lip. "You're leaving." It wasn't a question. She'd been expecting this. Little things he did and said every day had hinted at it. It was never a matter of if, but when. Still, even having known it was coming, she hadn't been prepared for how much it hurt, and he wasn't even out of the house yet.

His jaw clenched, and he nodded, trying to steady his breathing. He felt like he was on the verge of a panic attack – his heart racing, his whole body trembling, the effort of suppressing tears making his eyes burn, and his throat swollen inside, choking him.

She sighed, and her exhaustion showed. "What do you want me to tell Kori?" She asked, running a hand through her hair. She glanced at the clock. Midnight, on the dot. Couldn't he have waited till morning? Let his son say goodbye?

"He's a baby," he forced out, the words sounding harsher than he meant. She flinched. "When he asks someday, tell him I died." _Because I did. When I leave you two tonight, I'll die inside. I'll never feel anything good again._ He swallowed, clearing his throat. "Tell him I loved him, would you?"

She nodded. "I will. I love you, Kakashi. We both do." Her voice cracked when she said his name, a sob catching at the back of her throat. She closed her eyes, tears brimming in her eyelashes. Kakashi looked away. But he had to do this. He had all ready stayed to long. He had drawn this on much longer than he should have. He was lucky nothing had happened yet. _That's a lie_, he thought. She'd all ready been kidnapped and tortured once before. Because they knew he was ANBU – and that he loved her. Somehow, they'd found out. He'd finally tracked them down, only to find them dead, his wife laying in a pool of their blood, her hands coated in the meat she'd torn out of their throats, half-dead. And completely crazy. It'd taken years for her to recover enough to stop attempting to hurt herself, ashamed of what she'd done.

He opened the window, letting the breeze wash in. She shivered, laying back down, pulling the blankets closer. Kakshi sighed, she looked so beautiful like that – hair splayed across the pillows, eyes drooping closed with sleep. "Goodnight, darling."

She smiled sleepily. "_Love is the answer, darling, to you and me. Love is the answer, darling, to everything. Suffer the lonely, to come to me. I'll teach them love, darling, the answer to everything…_" She drifted off into sleep, her voice trailing off at the end of the song. It was the lullaby she'd sung to him when he came back from a mission, hysterical and broken. It was the lullaby she sung to their baby – only two months old now.

Kakashi walked back to the bed, the wind from the open window blowing his hair in his face, and allowed himself one more touch. He brushed her hair from her sleeping face, not even relaxed in sleep, and he felt the guilt in his chest give a painful twist. Smiling brokenly, he kissed her on the forehead, and left.

She never saw him again.

**X.x.X.x.X**


	2. Chapter One

**A/N: And the story begins! I hope I've got you all curious. You're gonna be in for one heck of a ride. I'm pulling out all the stops on this baby.**

**When He Leaves Me**

**Chapter One**

It was summer when they first met. Kakashi was out with Iruka, just coming back from a short reconnaissance mission, looking for something relaxing. So they'd gone to the New Years festival in the center of the village. Iruka had mentioned something about some beautiful girls dancing – the Ninja equivalent of geisha. Kakashi had been eager to go. So they'd settled themselves on one of the low rooftops overlooking the town square. A group of five girls stood at the five points of a davids star around the fountain, which had been frozen over from the snow. They were barefoot, despite the cold, their chakra keeping them from freezing.

Kakashi watched, intrigued. He'd heard of this before – chakra used as an artform instead of battle.

And then they started to dance, and his thoughts fell away, completely entranced by the performance. They were dressed according to each element of chakra – Fire, Wind, Lightning, Earth, and Water. They danced lightly, gracefully. The fire one came onto the ice of the fountain first, dressed in a red kimono, and her chakra exploded around her, swirling and twisting with her, melting the ice as she danced. And then came the wind, as fire skipped off, dressed in a pure white kimono, the air swirling the snow and splashing the water, white chakra flowing around her, making her hair twist in the air. And then she came off the water, carefully, and lightning came up, dressed in a yellow kimono, repeating the same dance with lightning accents. Each one came up, dancing their piece, their chakra adding to the seduction and beauty of the performance. While the soloist danced on the water of the fountain, their chakra keeping them from getting wet, the others danced in a circular motion around the fountain.

But all the while, Kakashi only watched one of them. The girl dressed as Water, a bright blue kimono accented with a black and green obi. Her hair was long and black, bouncing in shining curls as she danced, her eyes a bright, beautiful blue the color of clear ocean water, absolutely bedazzling. She was petite and lean, not really curvy. Her fingers were long and elegant, twisting to project her chakra in specific ways. Her fingernails were painted black.

Once the dance finished, they bowed to the roaring and applauding audience, then went into the hot springs nearby to change. Ignoring Iruka's surprised shouts, Kakashi launched off of the roof they'd been watching from, dashing off after her. She was absolutely beautiful. He had to know her name.

He finally caught up to the group of laughing girls, but was surprised to find her trailing at the back, head down, arms folded over her chest. She was trembling, but she didn't seem cold. One of the girls glanced back at her, rolled her eyes, and hurried the others away. She seemed to sink even further into herself.

Kakashi felt a rush of pity as he finally came to walk beside her. She glanced at him, and it was calm. She'd felt him coming. Her chakra control was unbelievable.

"Hello Kakashi," she greeted softly. He quirked an eyebrow. How did she know him?

She smiled softly, sadly. "You're in the newspaper sometimes, and even on the internet now and then. You're a very popular man, Mr. Copy Cat." She frowned, looking at him a bit more critically. "Though I must say the fan art doesn't' do you justice."

Kakashi chuckled. The internet was a strange thing. He blushed though, hoping she hadn't come across any of his collaborations with Jiraiya.

She smiled up at him, suddenly, brightly, distracting his from his train of thought. She stopped walking, and bowed to him. Hastily, he returned the sign of respect. "I'm Kirin Nekozuka – a branch of the Inuzuka family." He nodded, suddenly noticing the light black and blue tattoos decorating her wrists, ankles, and collarbone – proof of her heritage.

"Well, you know me all ready so saying my name again would be pointless," he said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Would you mind if I walked you home?"

She blushed, frowning. "I wouldn't want to inconvenience you, Mr. Hatake," she said softly, hanging her head. He resisted the sudden urge to hold her and comfort her. What had made her so… fragile?

"I wouldn't have offered if it was an inconvenience. I'd like to think of it as an opportunity."

She looked up at him, confused. "An opportunity to what?"

Kakashi blushed, wondering if she'd taken that the wrong way. But her confusions was innocent. He chuckled. "An opportunity to get to know you better."

She shrugged. "There's not much to get to know, Mr. Hatake."

He sighed. "Call me Kakashi."

"But that would be rude."

"I insist."

"All right, Kakashi-samma." He rolled his eyes.

"You're very persistent, you know, Kirin?"

She nodded, grinning. "I consider it a becoming trait."

Kakashi nodded, smirking behind his mask. "Well, shall we?"

"Shall we what?" She asked, that adorably confused look back on her face.

He laughed, softly, and she blushed. She liked his laugh. A lot.

"Shall we get going? I thought I was going to walk you home."

She blushed, embarrassed, biting her lower lip and ducking her head. "Oh, right. Um, hold on. Let me get my shoes. My chakra's exhausted." She rushed off into the hot springs they stood just outside of, and she was out a second later, stumbling as she attempted to walk and pull on the boots at the same time.

"Calm down," Kakashi said, voice light with laughter. "I'm not in a hurry."

She blushed a little darker, and stood still to pull on her shoes. "Right, of course," she mumbled, straightening back up. _What a clumsy fool you are, Kirin._ She thought, sighing. She ran a hand through her hair – a habit she had when she felt depressed or stressed.

Kakashi picked up on her mood and smiled boyishly. "Cheer up – the great copy cat ninja is walking you home."

She smiled sadly. "I'm honored, Mr. Hatake."

"Kakashi," he corrected, voice clipped. She looked down at her feet, muttering an apology. He heaved a sigh. "Enough of this – stop being so uncomfortable around me. It's making me think I have a bad reputation or something."

Her eyes widened and she looked up at him in alarm. "No, no, it's just-"

"Just what?"

She suddenly looked perplexed and a little bit hurt, almost brokenly confused. "I don't know," she mumbled.

"Well then, I see no reason for this behavior to continue."

"Yes, Mr. Kakashi," she said, looking back down.

"Now for the second order of business – look at me when you talk to me." She bit her lower lip, turning her face to his, but her eyes were still lowered to the ground. He waited, patiently, and soon, she met his gaze. He smiled encouragingly. "Much better. Now, tell me about yourself."

"Like what?" she asked, letting her gaze fall back to the snow on the streets, mesmerized by the soft crunch their feet made as they walked. Kakashi decided not to bug her about it.

"Hmmm… age, likes, dislikes, goals… the usual."

She twisted her mouth, thinking. She looked adorable like that – her face twisted up in concentration. "Well," she began, speaking slowly as she thought. Kakashi was mildly confused. Wasn't she asked this now and then? Why did she have to think about it so hard? Her speaking cut off his worried thoughts, and he focused back on her. "I'm nineteen… I like dancing, and cooking, and genjutsu… um… I dislike dogs and bugs – extremely… Especially spiders," she shivered, her face contorted into disgust for a split second, "And… my goals are to become the best spy Konoha has." She smiled, proudly for a second at that, then blushed, looking down. "Sorry, that must have sounded arrogant."

Kakashi shrugged. "A little confidence is good for a ninja."

She nodded. "Point taken. So you're a jounin, right? Do you have a team?" She asked, kicking at a ball of ice in her way. The sun was starting to go down, the snow lit up with bright golds and pinks and purples, the sky awash with colors. The streetlamps had turned on.

"As a matter of fact, I do. Naruto Uzumaki, Sasuke Uchiha, and Sakura Haruno." She stopped walking, to stare at him.

"Really? I thought those were just rumors." She said, honestly surprised. Kakashi nodded.

"They're not as good ninjas as they sound. Just a bunch of brats in hitai-ate's." She smiled, giggling slightly.

"I'm sure they're better than that," she said, rolling her eyes and grinning. Kakashi looked down at her, quirking an eyebrow.

"Oh really? And what makes you so sure, Ms. Nekozuka?" She beamed at him, eyes closing in delight.

"Because you're teaching them."

Kakashi had the sense to blush, averting his eyes. "I'm flattered," he said, awkwardly.

She heaved a heavy, sad sigh. "That came out wrong. It's just, everyone knows how great of a ninja you are."

Kakashi shrugged. "Really, I'm flattered. No need to explain yourself."

She smiled, blushing. "Okay. So what do you do when you're not teaching or doing missions?"

"Sleep. Read. Get drunk. The usual shinobi pastimes." She nodded. "And what about you? Do you dance for a living, or what?"

"Nope; I'm a spy-to-be. Passed my ANBU Black Ops exams a couple weeks ago, and I'm starting my torture-immunity training in two months. I have till then to get my affairs sorted out." Kakashi nodded. It would be unusual for an ANBU to tell someone else their position as Black Ops, or even as an ANBU at all, but if she was training to be a spy, she would all ready know he was ANBU anyways. He understood what she meant by "affairs sorted out". They gave you three months to do everything you wanted to do with your life before you risked it, to cut off connections to possible hostages, send your kids away to a backwater country where no one could hurt them, get drunk every night and get laid… the usual.

"And what do you do in your free time?" He asked, honestly curious.

"I dance, mostly." She did a little twirl, turning her head up to the sky, snowflakes landing on an outstretched tongue. She looked so childlike like that, so innocent. How could she be an ANBU black ops, and look like that? "I absolutely adore it."

"Well, you're very good. That performance was absolutely breathtaking." She blushed, coming back to walk beside him, head down.

"Thanks," she mumbled, embarrassed. Kakashi chuckled. She was such a moody little thing.

Suddenly, she stopped walking, looking mildly surprised. "We're here," she said, staring up at her house. The door started to open, and her eyes widened. "Um, Kakashi… you better go. Thank you for walking me. Goodbye."

She shoved him out of sight, and rushed towards the door, looking panicked. "Coming daddy!"

Kakashi winced as he heard the door slam, and turned to walk away, hands in his pockets, smiling. What a wonderful way to end the day.


End file.
